We sometimes think we come from a secular family… That’s just not true. There is no such thing as a Jewish family who is traditionally secular…If you think of the amount of generations since Matan Torah… Let’s just guess, let’s say there are one hundred-sixty generations since the Torah was given. You have a guy who grew up FFB, he grew up in a frum family. He says “All hundred-sixty generations of my family were shomer shabbos, shomer kashrus and learned Torah.” The most distant Jew, the Jew who says I come from a family that is not observant and they haven’t been observant for generations, at most it is four or five generations! At most! Usually it is two or three.
Okay he comes from a non-observant family…but it’s not true; because if you look at those hundred-sixty generations, okay for him it wasn’t a hundred sixty, it was a hundred fifty-six. Only a hundred-fifty six of the hundred sixty generations since the giving of the Torah was his family frum… Everyone is coming from a family of Torah observance! When we live a life of Torah, we are living a life that is a life of fidelity to the principals and sacrifices and lives of our families, whatever kind of family we come from.
Is it not tznius to wear perfume if you're not married (like if you're married I'm assuming it's 100% okay to wear it for your hubby)? Like FRUM guys have commented to me that I smell good and like duh I know I smell good, my perfume game is A+. But the fact that they're clearly noticing makes me think that maybe it's not tznius? (and btw no it's not as if they were super close to me, we were like in the same car). Opinion?
I’m going to be blunt and say this plainly because you asked for my opinion: If it is clearly noticeable then it isn’t tznius.
Expanding: Basically it is absolutely assur for a man(not your husband) to smell your perfume (similar to the idea of enjoying the sound of your voice). That is the baseline halacha from the Shulchan Aruch.
Obviously that opens up a whole can of worms on the perfume topic which is why any sefer on tznius will discuss the nature of scents and how much you can wear or should if at all wear. I’m not a perfume person honestly(I like the smell of my shampoo?) so I don’t even know how you apply it to be more or less but if you are into wearing it then I would definitely ask your rav(or rebbetzin) about specific guidelines.
I don’t remember exactly when it became my shabbos bag. I imagine it was about the same time I started keeping shabbos. The bag is actually designed as a carry-on bag, fitting just perfectly in the airplane under the seat in front of you or in the overhead compartment and originally that is exactly how I used it. Not so coincidentally(nothing really is) when the time came I found it is also the perfect size when going away for shabbos.
I always find it a little funny when one of my hosts insists on carrying my shabbos bag to my assigned room of the week, almost to the point of being offended. It doesn’t happen every week but it certainly happens a lot. When they offer I am not too shy to say I am perfectly capable of carrying it. Most of the time this doesn’t really deter my ever eager hosts so I indulge them and hand it over. Why argue over? Heavy as it might seem weighed down after I stuff it with multiple pairs of shoes, books, clothing and occasionally the straighter, I have carried that thing around the world and back. Six countries and over fifty homes later by way of planes, trains, buses, taxis and tremps, safe to say I don’t really need help with my bag.
My mother always said it is extremely rude to invite yourself over to another person’s home. Along this line I used to feel guilty about inviting myself, going to people for shabbos, eating people their food and all that. “I don’t want to intrude”, “Don’t they need family time?”, “I don’t want them to feel like they are required to host me!” It took a while but I’ve slowly learned to accept sometimes it is important for the guest to be the guest. Additionally I’ve also realized it isn’t particularly selfless to insist myself capable; it is more about my own pride and a little fear of being perceived as nebach.
HaShem has given me the incredible bracha of being hosted by so many wonderful people. I could say this simply because on their end they are genuinely kind and giving people who feel the need to go above and beyond for others; this can true at least partially. Then again they wouldn’t need to be kind and giving if they had no one to give to. I have to think this all comes back to a deeper motivation behind my perhaps overenthusiastic hosts. Obviously I can carry(or wheel) my bag around! I am also capable of making shabbos myself and I have done just that on occasion. Why is it these people so crazy about having guests then? Why do they insist on happily doing the seemingly unnecessary?
Here is what it comes down to: As much as HaShem saw it fit to give myself the benefit of being hosted l’kavod shabbos, he is also giving my hosts the opportunity to perform the powerful mitzvah of hachnosas orchim. Their exuberance isn’t really in essence about ME at all. Carrying my bag around is a matter of hiddur mitzvah! It comes down to taking pleasure in Torah and building a relationship with G-d. It is following in the footsteps of Avraham Avinu! It is my host taking full advantage of the fact that receiving a guest is their own personal bracha.
Moral of the Story: Acknowledge the effort of your host and be a gracious guest; Offer to help serve, play with the kids and strip your bed after havdalah. But additionally be conscious of your own important role as the guest.
I daven IY”H one day I’ll have my own family shabbos table that will merit as many guests as I’ve had hosts!
There’s nothing like a Jewish young adult event to mingle with Jewish friends, do some quality networking and maybe even search for that special someone. Or, perhaps you just need to prove that you do indeed still exist and don’t spend every night curled up with your DVR remote or spooning with your laptop.
Not too long ago I started a new job. This new job basically entails me working in an office that is occupied the majority of the day with about 7-10 Hasidish men(mostly my superiors) and me(plus an Israeli whose nusach is unknown at the moment). Yes, I have had quite a few “what is my life” moments.
Now in the office it is obviously okay to speak normally among them as it is necessary for my job and it would be super quiet otherwise. Honestly they speak to each other in Yiddish mostly which isn’t exactly my strong point. The Israeli really doesn’t speak English so most of our conversations end up in broken English/Hebrew/Yiddish when needed. Eventually the point is usually communicated correctly…Anyways! I still have yet to decide on what exactly is correct elevator etiquette.
More than once I’ve left work and been stuck in the elevator(or waiting for the elevator) with one of my bosses. Did I mention we aren’t exactly below the 10th floor either? This always leaves me in the situation where we run out of necessary things to say after about five minutes so I am forced to ask myself “do I try find some random conversation topic or just stand here awkwardly for fifteen minutes?” Depending on the day it can take a really long time! Thus far I have usually taken the “silent and awkward” route.
Oh everyday is just a fun new adventure over here isn’t it? Stay tuned!Next time on GOH on the job: Fun Times during Mincha.
It is really a lot of work to redt someone a shidduch! One hand its a great thing, people are happy, mitzvah yada yada but on the otherhand the chances of the research and all that jazz ending at the chupah is very slim! It seems there are about a million reasons someone will reject a shidduch but only about ten they’ll go ahead with it.
There the man was, spouting off about intermarriage. And, man, did I want to tell him he was an idiot.
Basically a really awesome blog post. My super abridged summary: Be nice to people and try to see things from their perspective before getting angry. They might be very wrong, but we all make mistakes we should assume it is coming from a good place unless given reason otherwise.
On Sunday night the doctors decided to place him back into a medically induced coma and on a respirator in the hope of stabilizing his condition and permitting his frail body to heal. A systemic blood infection was diagnosed earlier in the day. During the night the gadol hador’s condition…
“The Badatz Eida Chareidis has published an alert to attest to the integrity to Kedem-Geula wines and grape juice under its supervision. The Eida Chareidis states that wall postings appearing in various areas place a doubt on the kashrus integrity of the product. These notices are published as if they are in the name of the badatz, and this is not the case.
The Eida assures the public there is nothing to be concerned about and the product is fine.”—Jerusalem Kosher News (Alert from Badatz Edia Charedis)
“Well you see-I would usually be a little more than slightly nervous about walking around Brooklyn around midnight. At this particular moment however, I know there are at least 20 men camping in little huts within yelling distance so if worse comes to worse…”—я. (Excerpt from Motzei Shabbos Conversation…)
The guy diagnally seated from me on the lakewood bus is having an impromptu shidduch interview. I could now tell you his life story including every yeshiva he has ever attended(three btw); all about his relationship with his rebbe; and he is a working boy looking to provide for his family.